kidapof

One of the many things I love about sleeping is that my dreams have a tendency to show rather elaborate and entertaining plots. Last night for example I dreamt of an ordinary man who was beat up and kidnapped by some kind of supernatural gangster and then saved by his wife who killed the bad guy with a kitchen knife. Awesome! The unusual thing about this dream was that it featured actual actors. The man who was kidnapped looked like Martin Freeman (he plays Dr. Watson in "Sherlock"), his wife was Mariska Hargitay (Olivia Benson in "Law and Order: New York - SVU") and the villain was Steve Valentine (Nigel in "Crossing Jordan"). Three different actors from three different shows. All of them crime related. What does that say about me? I was, no, I am both delighted and scared of that dream. Delighted because it is great fun to make up dreamed movies with any of your favourite actors. Scared because this means that primetime TV which is meant to be nothing but harmless distraction and entertainment has somehow managed to make its way right into my subconcious. From there it might try to take over control over my mind and body and turn me into a submissive slave. What can I do to save myself? I could just stop watching said shows. But... thats not going to happen. Ever.

Drawing. A wonderful way to spend your time. A wonderful way to make other people see what is on your mind. One of the purest forms of expressing yourself. Thats what I was doing. I was sitting on my bed, listening to an audio play, trying to sketch one of the characters as I imagine him. I had drawn him before, at least three years ago. The picture was fairly good, it resembles the way I imagined him then and also the way I imagine him now. Easy to just do it again I thought, improve the technique, use better pencils. This is going to look wonderful. So I thought. I started drawing. When I stopped to look at the work in progress I almost did not believe my eyes. Yes, the technque was better, yes I had used better pencils and yes, the image looked like something. BUT IT LOOKED LIKE SHELDON COOPER FROM THE SHOW "THE BIG BANG THEORY" AND THAT IS SO NOT WHOM I WANTED HIM TO LOOK LIKE!!!!! This happens a lot to me lately. These moments when I think that I'm doing good when actually I'm only messing up big time. I have taken art classes, invested money in drawing equipment and spent time practising. HAVE I NOT IMPROVED AT LEAST A LITTLE?! Well, apperently not. Maybe I should wait at least ten years before I redo something I've done before. On the other hand the outcome could be even more depressing then. So I guess once again I'll get back to starting over and hoping for the best.

I just dug out some of my old school doodles. Looking at them makes me wonder if I could do it better now, as all of them are at least two years old. But I guess, if I tried, I'd probably fail. That is not because I have not improved, I have. The reason is, that no art is more magnificent, than art born out of boredom in it's complete form (at least in my case). Yes, I am talking of school. It is a wonderful place to let creativity carry you away, for it is the one and only way to escape from slavery without the master(teacher) noticing.

Went iceskating today for the first time this season. It was pretty cold, but beautiful weather. I had to get used to everything, like every year. And like every year there was the "Club" like I call them. A group of people my age and younger who are extremely gifted. These guys who seem to fly over the ice, dancing. Even when I gave everything, they were at least twice as fast. I observed their movements. You know, in the end it all comes down to courage. And a certain feeling for the ice under your feet. Both of which I don't have enough. So I will just stay there watching them, dreaming of the day when...sigh. I'll be practicing then...

It has been raining for like... months? What does sunlight look like? Anyway, just loading up some of my photography. Hope everybody likes it.